we're chasing vodka with high fives
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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