Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's just like the Real World with babies
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
