Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
