Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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