He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The air was thick with penises
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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