somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
