I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
