i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
