Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
