My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
