And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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