She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so that wasnt chicken after all
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Randomize
