You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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