I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would ride that face into the sunset
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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