I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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