You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
