i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
