Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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