The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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