I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
