It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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