Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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