I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
