I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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