he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
