Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Im part way to drunk.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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