I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
