We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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