Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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