4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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