Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
