I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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