What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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