Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
