My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have post one night stand depression
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