Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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