Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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