We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
