You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
