I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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