no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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