whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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