Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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