I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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