You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
