Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
