Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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