At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
