He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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