I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
