"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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