I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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