her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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