do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
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The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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