I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
