3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
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