and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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