the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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