I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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