..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
