Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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