You're my little dorito
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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