the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We need to get me chipped asap
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
