if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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