3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
