right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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