I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
