it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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