Redeem this text for a blowjob
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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