How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
