Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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